not yours but my own

dear,.. dearest... hello..,

my beauty, it has been six months since i last saw you. i wore a white dress in hopes that i would remind you of angels of some sort or even a sister wife, or white wolf but instead you found the sadness in my eyes to make me black, dark, hallow like a crow you said, like a beautiful sad crow. it did me no good, it didnt do me any justice to be this black. dark and hallow like a crow, like a beautiful sad crow.
i wanted angel eyes, i wanted the strength you found everyday when you got up and ready for work, because you were the hardest working man i have ever met in my life and if i could get up as you did than surely these dark hallow eyes would turn blue, as blue.. as blue as your eyes, as blue as the suit you wore on the day i met you.
i never wanted to leave your side, and six months ago i would've gone off with you if you had asked me to,
but now i find myself no longer a crow, no longer a dark black hallow baby crow, because now i didn't need you
now i didnt need anyone but my own damned self
because these eyes didn't need to be blue, as blue as your suit
these eyes needed to stay brown like a bear, brown like a big strong bear with sharp claws
but still loving enough to make you warm enough to make you love,
i want back all of the letters i ever wrote you, not because i want to take back the words
but i want to remember what it was like to feel so blue, as blue as the suit i met you in, as blue as the waters,
as dark blue as you, i love you .. today. tomorrow and always, especially now that you've stopped taking advantage of love

yours,
not yours but my own,
b.d.m